Vacilate

0238

L:

Everything feels wrong to me recently. Don't feel like I'm on the right track. Mainly for three reasons. The magazine is not making good progress, though there will be huge breakthroughs in the next issue. So I think it's alright to take some time. Second, I'm not sure if I am that interested in what I'm doing. Magazine is fine but I meant literature and philosophy, i.e. writing books. I see my ex doing her creative works all the time. I read self-taught philosophers and writers who completed good works using the night time after exhausting full-time job. I do not have their passion. I surely not as motivated as them. The fact that I haven't written, drawn or created anything might be simply because I do not love it enough. But what strikes me the most is the third. It is obvious that people around me are not as 'good' as those I used to stick with. I've lost all my intellectual companions, at least we do not contact as much as we used to. No valuable feedbacks and no constructive interactions. This tires me much more than work and the lack of money. I do not enjoy tutoring people at all. Talking is so tiring in the first place. And I don't think I'm good enough to teach anyone too. More and more I dislike the weekly meeting of the magazine. It's so exhausting. L, I'm at the age you met us. I wonder how you felt at that time.

W

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