Problem

I thought it was only a joke, that my friends laughed at me about “I have poor observing abilities.” Well, I proved that the statement is correct yesterday.

Yesterday, two friends and I returned to our secondary school. We saw students preparing for a BBQ at the playground, that I, or we, was curious about what event was going to be held. When we encounter a teacher, we asked what was the occasion of having a BBQ on a Saturday night. The teacher answered us that it was an activity of the parent-teacher association; she also said that twenty-sth teachers would be coming too. I immediately remembered of my former class teacher. So I asked, actually not expecting to get an answer, that if she would come. The teacher answered me firmly, ‘of course not! She has to take care of her baby. Don’t you know that? She had already given birth a week ago!’

 

I was very shocked about this. I knew she got married last year, but I didn’t know that she was pregnant. Worst of all, I didn’t notice that she was pregnant even I had seen her in April, where supposedly she was already pregnant for about 7 months!  How come!

What’s wrong with me, I wonder. I have a good sight. I need not a pair of glasses. What is the reason of me overlooking everything? The only explanation I could think of is that my indifference to everything. If I’m not interested in it, why should I observe it?

The problem is that I care about my former class teacher! If so, why would I overlook such an important thing? Is that I have already get used to overlooking things, and therefore now I would even overlook things and people I do care too, or is that I, in fact don’t really give a fuck to the entire goddam world?

This irritates me. My lack of motivation to do anything, and now only responsibility can force me to do things. This problem could hardly be solved unless someone I care suddenly appears. But no such person is existing, yet. Hopefully, yet.